Asking someone to disciple you is a lot like asking someone to be your friend. Does anyone ask formally? Imagine starting a conversation off with a stranger you somewhat look up to saying, “Hey, I’ve seen you around, will you be my friend?”
Friendship simply doesn’t work this way. Starting a discipling relationship won’t work this way either.
Many Christians emphasize different parts of discipling like obedience, teaching, or association. But what if asking someone to disciple you is a lot like starting a friendship? A gospel-centered friendship can be where you see many of the components of discipling come together.
Friendship as Discipling
As time has gone on, I’ve realized that those who’ve discipled me most are those who were good friends to me and helped me follow Jesus in multiple ways. I think of my first music minister who modeled good listening to me. Or the first pastor beside my dad who preached the Bible faithfully, making me hungry for God’s Word.
My best friend since my conversion made himself available to me and taught me to care for the poor, how to evangelize, as well as how to disciple. One boss from a former job taught me how to be just in my dealings, as well as a good leader at work. Countless families who give me access to their lives have taught me how to be a good husband and future father. All of this and more because of accessible friendship.
It’s important you ask where you may enter into a mature believer’s life to imitate them as they imitate Christ.
As you get to know someone, you will need to ask when they could give you time to teach you, help you obey Scripture, and observe their life. In many ways, the answer to the question is, “Find a mature believer, and ask them what kind of commitment they could make to you.”
Asking someone to disciple you requires you to enter into their rhythms of following Jesus. Since much of discipling is better caught than taught, it’s important you ask where you may enter into a mature believer’s life to imitate them as they imitate Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1). Here are three ways you can ask a mature Christian how they can disciple you. Below are three suggestions on how to do this practically.
1. Ask If You Can Join Their Devotional Time
You could read the Bible quietly with each other. Afterward, you can talk about your meditations and how you will help each other trust God’s promises and obey his commands. The Bible is a communal book. Even in one’s personal devotion time, one can be others-oriented and disciple others.
Your time in the Scriptures can be a tool for someone else’s benefit. As a former pastor reminded me often, “Whatever you know about Jesus is for others.”
2. Ask If They Do Family Worship and Join Them
It wasn’t until more recently that a pastor invited me over to dinner, and had a short time of family worship afterward. It was rowdy and simple. It took no more than fifteen minutes.
The family read a Bible story, prayed, and sang with a couple of commercial breaks to tend to the kids. My wife and I learned that family worship doesn’t need to be complicated.
As a couple with no kids, it’s been helpful to read, pray, and sing, establishing this as a rhythm for whatever the future holds. When friends join us for dinner, we continue the rhythm with different spiritual brothers and sisters. We pray they would imitate us as we imitated one of my pastors.
3. Ask a Church Member If You Can Help with an Errand or Join for Lunch
I’ll never forget a practice I learned while eating at a restaurant with a friend who serves as a youth pastor.
He has served in this capacity for nearly ten years in rural Alabama. We were about to pray for a meal, and he asked the waitress, “We’re about to pray for our food. Is there any way we could pray for you?” The waitress shared openly, he shared the gospel briefly, and we prayed and ate.
Since then, I have tried to make this my regular practice. Not because my friend gave me a two-hour seminar on evangelism—though these can be immensely helpful—but simply because he modeled a simple practice of his for prayer and evangelism.
I am surprised by how much time Jesus spent with his disciples. Hours and sometimes weeks at a time. It was in the regular moments of life like fishing, eating, working, and traveling that Jesus surprised his disciples with the greatest lessons. Likewise, I’ve learned key practices and truths from other mature Christians in the most ordinary moments of life.
Salvador Blanco-Perello is the Music Director at Iron City Church in Birmingham, Alabama. He is an M.Div. student at Beeson Divinity School.
