Is God Disappointed in Me?

Austin Huang:
Welcome to Everyday Radical, a podcast where we help the everyday christian follow Jesus and make Him known everywhere. We pray that today’s episode encourages you to do just that. So let’s dive right in.
The other day I was driving by myself to a wedding, and I find that a lot of the times when I have one-on-one time with God, it’s in the car and it’s just pure worship of him. And there’s this one specific worship song that I just love this singular lyric in it. It says, “Everything shame tries to say about me, God, you would never believe.” And I just was bawling my eyes out, listening to that. I was literally going over the speed limit. I had to stop. I was just like, “Everything shame tries to say about me. God, you would never believe.” So today’s episode, we’re going to be talking about, is God disappointed in me?
Man, David, I just want you to open up the floor of where does that come from. Where does this thought of is God disappointed in me, where does that originate?

David Platt:
Oh, man. I knew we were going to be talking about this, but it’s just even thinking about this is making me realize I’ve thought this a lot.

Austin Huang:
Yeah.

David Platt:
I could tell you right now, I’m not going to, all the reasons I have to be ashamed. Just sin in my life. There are things, sins in my life from decades ago that I could pull up right now, that actually aren’t coming to my mind right now. It is not uncommon in the course of just a normal day for that thought to come in my mind. “Remember what you did there?”
So I think where that comes from, I don’t think that’s coming from the Lord.

Austin Huang:
No.

David Platt:
I don’t think God is like, “I’m going to remind David today about these ways he messed up that he really regrets in the past,” or just, “Yeah, I’m going to beat him up with those things.” That’s clearly coming from an adversary who is called in the Bible, the accuser, like the accuser. That’s what he does. He accuses us. He wants us to live in guilt and shame and to beat us down with that. And I mean, if I didn’t have the gospel right now, and I’m not just saying that like tritely, man, I could be beat down pretty quick right now.
And I do think I’ve often lived with that. In the sense that if I compared that with the number of times I just am like living like, “My Heavenly Father is pleased with me. His pleasure is on me.” Man, I think if I were to like to compare, I live more like I should be ashamed than I am beloved.

Austin Huang:
Wow.

David Platt:
I think, I don’t know. Are you the same?

Austin Huang:
Yeah, I know. I’m the same way.

David Platt:
Is that just me?

Austin Huang:
I think that’s everybody listening to this right now.

David Platt:
What is that? I mean, that’s what you’re asking, what is that? And obviously, it’s an adversary that is speaking to us or just tempting us a lot with that. That this is a major battle in our lives. Which, man, makes me think about, “Okay, now that makes sense.” John 15, “Just abide in my love. You just remain in my love for you. I love you. Just remain in my love.” And that’s what a command, just stay in my love.
I mean, I was just reading it a couple of days ago, 1 John 3. “What love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God.” And actually, this is good. I’m not saying what I’m about to say is amazing, but it was good in my own heart because as I was reading that, I nearly thought of one of my favorite quotes from J.I. Packer and Knowing God. When he asked what is a Christian and the answer he gives is, he says, “The simplest,” I’m not going to get the exact quote right, but it’s something along the lines of, “The simplest answer I know to the question what is a Christian is, it’s someone who knows God as Father and knows they’re His child.” And he said, “If that reality doesn’t prompt their worship and their prayers and their whole outlook on life, it means they don’t understand God very well at all.”
And I think about that as a dad. I look at my kids, I’m so proud of so much of my kids. And I don’t want them to walk around like a shame before me. That would now be good for them. That would be… Yeah, man, they’d be questioning my love for them. But the fact that I’m that way so often in my relationship with my Heavenly Father, that’s selling God’s love short in my life in a destructive way for me and in my relationship with him.

Austin Huang:
And sin is so tricky in that… I’m just thinking right now that the Holy Spirit is bringing to mind the first sin of humanity, their reaction to realizing their nakedness and their brokenness was to cover up. But if you really dig deep, what that means, what they were trying to do was to prove themselves in a way that they realize, “I’m broken, so let me try to trick God to prove to God that I’m actually the same as I was,” by covering up so He can’t see. And we live like that. Christians and non-Christians alike. We live trying to gain the approval of family, friends, the world, fame, success, money, whatever it is for us. It’s this constant approval mindset of like, “I need to prove myself.” But that’s so contrary to what Christ calls us to do.

David Platt:
Like through the gospel, what it means to be a child of God. You’re free. You don’t have to prove yourself. You’re a totally new creation, you’re beloved, you’re in Christ. I mean, all the union with Christ language: in Christ, Him and you, with Christ, Him with you, that He looks at us as He looks at His own son, as He looks at Jesus, the Father. Man, but it is a fight to live in that reality, to believe that on a daily basis.

Austin Huang:
I feel like also disappointment comes with this idea that there’s an expectation to do something right and you miss it. But if we truly believe, I know we’ve referenced God’s sovereignty in so many of these episodes, but if you really believe in God’s sovereignty that he knows the beginning from the end, nothing you can do could ever shock or surprise God. He knows we’re going to fall short. Yes, we are called to be holy, but He knows we are not yet perfect. We are being made perfect as we behold the glory of God. We’re being conformed to the image of the son. I think that’s something that I miss all the time of, “Oh wait, God knows that I was going to fall short and yet he still loved me anyways.”

David Platt:
Yes, that’s good. You know what’s come to my mind as you’re saying that is how so much of that shame, disappointment, living in that is the adversary, not just saying this about us, but also what he’s lying to us about God. Almost like, because if I’m feeling shame, it’s like, “Okay, it’s because God is not patient with me. It’s because God is not merciful to me.” His love is not perfect. Even to your point, like His knowledge, like, “Oh, if he knew that.”

Austin Huang:
Yeah, exactly.

David Platt:
Or, “He knows that, therefore He doesn’t love you.” No, all those things are lies. He knows that and He loves me and he’s merciful and he’s patient with me. And it’s so interesting the way the adversary is putting deception in our minds about ourselves and our identity and about who God is and his identity, his nature and what we know about him. So that to me is, as I’m processing this, like, “Okay, how do you fight that?” You fight that with what we know about God and what we know about ourselves based on his word, all that based on his word, which obviously goes back to Genesis 3, did God really say? It’s just like if the adversary can get God’s word out of the picture and our thoughts and our desires leading us, then he’s winning.
So we’ve got to cling to what does God say about himself, what does God say about us? And to really fight that sense of shame and disappointment with what the word of God says to us, about us, and about himself.

Austin Huang:
Speaking of the word, I think it’s 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness.” When I think of that, I think it’s easy to… Let’s just take an example of you commit a sin and you just say, “Oops, sorry, God. I confess my sin to you.” Is that what we should do? How do we return to God after we have fallen short? Is there a posture we need to take? Is there a preparation? I know we’re not in the Old Testament, so we don’t have to prepare a sacrifice since Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice. But how do we not use grace as a license to keep on sinning?

David Platt:
Yeah. So what I’m hearing you talk about now is like, actually there is a good conviction in our hearts that the Holy Spirit does bring to us when we sin, that we all need. But it’s not the adversary, “God’s disappointed in you, you’re a failure.” It’s, “You’re missing out on all I’ve called you to. You’re missing out on the enjoyment of me and life that I’ve created you for. And so I want to call you out of that.” So when that happens, and it’s obviously the end of that. Satan’s end is to beat us down. God’s end is to bring us up to the life he’s called us to.
So when that happens, what do we do? The way you put it just a minute ago when you were talking about 1 John 1:9, I do think it’s important to, as soon as possible, confess that sin, to stop, to like, “Oh, no.” So not like wait till my quiet time the next day or I’m going to bed at night. “God, that was wrong. That thought, that desire, that word, what I just did, that was wrong.” And I do think like Paul’s language about godly sorrow that leads to repentance, I think there should be some sense of sorrow over that. But even if I’m saying that, it’s like, “Okay, well, how do you keep that godly sorrow from leading to just shame?”

Austin Huang:
Yeah.

David Platt:
Because I’m thinking about conversations that I have with my kids when they mess up, the couple of times that they’ve messed up in their lives. Because sometimes they do feel ashamed for what they did. But that’s where I’m like speaking into them, “Hey, I want you to… It’s good for you to feel that was not a good decision, that that has just consequences and sin should not feel good. But I want you to know I love you just the same as I did five minutes ago. I forgive you.”
So that godly sorrow that leads to confession and repentance, like turning from that, it really is like a Psalm 51, like restoration of relationship and restoration of intimacy. I want to be careful. The relationship is not like you are no longer God’s child, but you were not experiencing the intimacy you’re made for when you were giving yourself over to that sin. And so it’s good to be broken over that, but in a way that the gospel picks you up immediately as you turn to your Father.

Austin Huang:
And that’s why we have hope that speaking on that verse, it’s somewhere in 2 Corinthians, but Paul contrasts it with saying, “Whereas worldly grief produces death.”

David Platt:
That’s right.

Austin Huang:
And so I was speaking to my friend recently and we’re just talking about suffering and disappointment as well, and that is the key missing piece for people who are not believers in Christ is that they truly don’t have hope that even in our suffering… I mean, suffering is all throughout scripture, Old Testament, New Testament. It’s for us as believers, we suffer towards something. We are suffering towards an end where Christ says, “If you follow me, you’re going to have to take up your cross daily.”
And in that is going to come suffering, but what does Paul say that suffering produces-

David Platt:
Perseverance. Endurance.

Austin Huang:
… perseverance, character, character, hope, and hope does not put us to shame. Christ is the one who has brought us that hope. He is the hope of the world. And I just think in my own life, in accountability that I’ve had with sin struggles in college, I just think of this one thing that my friend and I kind of concluded. We’re like trying all these different things to stop doing what we were doing and we just found that there was really this one method that worked really well and it was that even if we were to fall into that sin, immediately after we would rejoice. And it just sounds so like, why would you rejoice? You just messed up. You fell into sin. But the truth is that we have a hope that does not put us to shame.
And so in that moment, I can say the blood of Christ speaks a better word over my situation, over what I just did, and I’m going to rest in that fact. And I’m going to repent and I’m going to confess and I’m going to do everything that is still necessary to bring it to light, but I’m going to rejoice. And I think for me, that just really rewired the way I think about sin.

David Platt:
Yeah. That’s good, man. There’s a lot there. Well, it’s just two directions my mind’s going as I’m listening to you. One, in that parallel with suffering, the same suffering in your life, there’s an adversary who wants to use to destroy you. There’s a loving father who wants to use that same suffering in your life to sanctify you, to draw you closer to him. And so make sure you see the intent between one and the other and let that… So similarly, with conviction of sin, there’s an adversary he wants to use that to beat us down. There’s a father who wants to use that to draw us to himself and to bring us up. So it’s how we view that conviction and how we respond to it.

Austin Huang:
It’s good.

David Platt:
Beat ourselves up over it, just feel like a failure, feel like God hates us or God is just constantly disappointed us. None of that’s coming from him, but He does convict us of sin to draw us to himself. We need to step into that.
So then the second thing there, because obviously I’m thinking Romans 6. So we don’t go on sinning so the grace may abound, but yes, we do. We confess and repent and rejoice. “Restore to me the joy of your salvation,” that’s from Psalm 51. That’s him pouring out his heart. He’s just confessed all that he did with Bathsheba, her husband, murder, like, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, I confess this to you.”
So I think that’s a good way to… Yes. So restore to me the joy of your salvation, help me to live in the joy of this salvation and in a way that that leads me to want to experience the joy of your salvation more than that sin next time. And then one more way my mind goes is it is a fight. Don’t be surprised in our lives that this is the fight of faith. I think I’ve talked about this multiple times. The Bible never describes the Christian life as like coasting down a hill with the wind blowing through your hair like, “Oh, this is so easy.” It’s a battle. It’s a fight. It’s a spiritual war. There’s an adversary who is throwing fiery darts at you all the time.
And so it’s a fight of faith. And so don’t be surprised when there are besetting sins, like things that you, just the battle just keeps coming at you in that area. And so don’t think, “Well, then I’m a failure because I’ve got these sins that I continually struggle with.” I mean, this is actually Christianity. This is what it means to follow Jesus. It means to battle against sin with the power of the Holy Spirit in you and the power of grace, like fueling you in that fight, that you can rejoice it continually. And He loves you. He loves you. Yes.

Austin Huang:
And I want to go back to Psalm 51 because I think there’s something in there that in this conversation of, is God disappointed in me, might set someone free. David says, “You do not delight in sacrifice or else I would give it. You delight in a broken and contrite heart. Father, that is what you delight in, in my broken and contrite, my honest heart just poured out. I just committed the sin. Like, God, this is all I have. I have nothing to give you. I can’t give you a sacrifice. If you want it, I’ll give it to you.” But what David is saying, “You don’t delight in it. So all that you delight in is my broken and humble heart, and so I’m going to give that to you.”

David Platt:
Bro, that’s really good. Let’s just soak in that because, man, I’m thinking about broken contrite heart. That’s where the adversary just beats us down. We’re broken. You’re broken.

Austin Huang:
Wow.

David Platt:
Instead of seeing that in that contrition and that humility, this is actually the Father. He loves this. He delights in this. So it just turns it on its head, “Okay, I’m broken over sin. I hate my sin. I’m humbled before you, God.” You like to see not his frowning face upon you in that moment, not his stern, “You did it again,” like that kind of thing. But his smile, I delight in contrition, trusting in me, trusting in your grace, in my grace, trusting in my love despite this, trusting my power to help you get up and keep fighting and to work by his grace to overcome, but with his smile upon you, not his frown upon you.
Man, I’m just thinking about how often I’ve lived with like, “I’m just not enough. I could be doing so much more.” And we definitely have to be… I remember writing about this at one point, and obviously let’s just kind of put it out there even as I say that, just because somebody writes about something doesn’t mean they’ve got that one figured out. I mean, I’m talking about my struggle with it, but I remember… Because that can definitely be a problem with radical, like when are you ever going to be radical enough? You can always be doing more. You can be giving more. You could be sacrificing more. You can do this.
So that’s clearly not the way God’s called us to live. So to say, “Jesus, I do want to follow you. I want to die to myself. I want to follow you in all the ways you’re calling me to. But I want to do this in relationship with you and love relationship with you.” This is the most greatest commandment and it’s the most radical commandment. Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and enjoy his love for you, abide in his love for you. This is love relationship.
So I think we do have to be careful whenever we think about even sacrifice or spread the gospel to nations or this or that. Not to be doing that out of a heart that’s like, “I’m never doing enough,” but out of a heart that says, “I’m a child of the Heavenly Father who’s invited me to join with Him in doing all these things. And I want to live in love relationship with Him to the full. And when I fall short in any way, I want to, yes, repent quickly, but I want to be restored to joy again and let the gospel do that work in me, the Holy Spirit do that work in me.” That’s a fight.

Austin Huang:
My mind goes to Jesus declaring, “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” And on a previous episode when we had Ben Stewart on, I told him that I’m not an avid reader. I read his book and I’ve also read Gentle and Lowly.

David Platt:
Yeah, of course.

Austin Huang:
And I’m just thinking back to that and how it’s transformed the way I think about, “Is God disappointed in me?” Jesus says I am gentle and lowly. And I don’t know. There’s something so offensive to the fact that we have a God who would become gentle and lowly for our sake. And I think we just need a perspective shift of God himself. He condescended to become like us, to take upon the sins of the world, to die death that He did not deserve so that we could be set free from sin. But not only sin, shame, brokenness, death, fear, all of these things, for He’s given us a spirit of power and of love and a sound mind and not of fear.
And David, I would love for you to just end this episode by praying that we would come to a right understanding and a right perspective on the gentle and lowly nature and heart of God.

David Platt:
Yeah. I definitely want to pray, and leading into that, I want to speak for just a minute as a dad. At any point, any one of my children is thinking, “My dad is just disappointed in me. My dad’s ashamed of me,” or “I’m never enough.” I just think of all that I’d want to say to that child. “No, no, no. I love you so much. I wish I could take the blinders off and help you to believe this. I love you so, so much. I delight in being your dad. I want the best for you.”
And I’m not a perfect dad. I’m an earthly dad. I’ve imperfections. This is the Heavenly Father saying, “I want the best for you. I know what’s best for you. I love you. I delight in you. Just enjoy my love. Believe I love you.” And so I just want to speak that over all of us who are in Christ, believe He loves you, believe He delights in you, believe He smiles on you, believe He cares for you, believe He knows what’s best for you. And He’s going to work for your good to experience what’s best for you, but that’s always the end that you might experience intimacy with him because He loves you so much that as His child, you don’t live in disappointment before your father.
So God, I just pray that. I pray that over Austin, I pray that over myself. I pray that over every single person watching, listening to this right now, who is in you, Jesus, that we would see, God, that you would open our eyes even in a fresh way in this moment to see and believe what you say about us, that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ, Jesus, that the law of the spirit of life has set us free from the law of sin and death. That nothing, either death or life, either angels or demons, or their present, or the future, or any powers, neither heights or deaths or anything else in all creation can separate us. Nothing can separate us from the love that you have for us in Christ, Jesus, that you are for us, not against us, that you delight in us.
Obviously, oh God, by your grace, all by your grace. If not, we’ve not done anything to deserve this. Therefore, we can’t do anything to lose this. You do this by your grace through faith in Jesus. Jesus, we praise you as the beloved son in whom the Father is well pleased. And we praise you that we’re in you, that we’re in you and you’re in us and you’ve bought us with a price, we’re not our own, that we belong to you, God. And belong in your family, that we enjoy your love as our father.
So may this thought prompt and control our worship and our prayers and our whole outlook on life, everything today and tomorrow and the next day. Help us to fight the lies of the adversary and the accusations that beat us down. And we pray that you bring us up, lift our heads to see you for who you are: the patient, merciful, infinitely loving father that you are, and to see who we are by your grace and to live in John:15, abiding in your love for us. And I just pray that over every single one of us in Christ, in his name. Amen.

Austin Huang:
Amen.
Thanks so much for joining us today on Everyday Radical. If this episode stirs your heart for Christ and his mission, our hope is that you would check out some of our previous episodes as well. And do not forget to subscribe so you don’t miss out on what’s ahead. Let’s keep making Jesus known everywhere together. See you next time.