The Child, the Home, and the Church

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The Child, the Home, and the Church This morning we will be looking in Ephesians 6:1–4, and you can put your finger in Deuteronomy 6. I’ll say on behalf of David that if you have a Bible—and he hopes that you do—please turn to Ephesians 6. As we get started, how many folks here have children? They may be grown or they may be still with you. How many of you have kids? You’re one of us; you’re one of those parents; the people who have become uncool every day, with every passing day. That’s pretty amazing.

I remember going to the hospital. I remember begging my bride not to have the baby before we got there; I remember that. I remember that the 34 hours of labor with really great recall; I remember all of that, not as much as my bride, I’m sure. But I remember the moment that radically changed my life forever is when a doctor put a baby boy in my hands and said, “Dad, it’s time for you to cut this cord.” Everything changed then.

I was excited the entire time, anticipating his arrival. And I was pleased; I was kind of scared. I didn’t know what to expect but boy when I felt his skin on my hands for the first time, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was completely overmatched by a 10 pound, 2 ounce baby boy. He was a monster in every sense of the word and every time I had that experience—with Nate, our second; Seth, our first; Nate, our second; Drew, our third and Mary Beth, our fourth—it was just reliving that moment all over again that we’re overmatched. So when we come to today, the gospel in your family in a messed up world, “The Child, the Home and the Church”, we come to it with a lot of memories and a lot of feelings.

The Gospel in Your Family in a Messed Up World

Some of you, you remember growing up and having parents. And you remember thinking, “My goodness, I hope they get it one day; they don’t have it yet.” You remember thinking things like,” I will never say what they just said to me.” Do you remember that? “I know that I will never say this hurts me more than it hurts you,” like our parents did. We have that context. Boy, then you become a parent and this huge responsibility comes for you so as we continue, it is important for us to look at how we got here.

We started at Psalm 78 when David challenged us that it was our responsibility as a faith family, not as parents of students, children and preschoolers, and not just as people who have a staff and a volunteer team looking at students, preschoolers and children, not just those people but as a faith family, we have a responsibility to pass our faith to the next generation. God’s call is clear from Psalm 78.

Then the next two weeks, David helped us look at biblical manhood and biblical womanhood because they are pillars; they are foundational for us as we collectively, as the body of Christ, we have responsibility for making disciples of all nations and succeeding generations. When we raise young men and young women, we want to raise them toward God’s idea of what young men and young women should become, so that starts very early. It starts before they are born in a mom and dad and that’s what Bart covered the next week, loving each other biblically. Loving each other, being a complement to each other where the husband loves and leads and sacrificially serves his wife, where the wife loves and supports and willingly submits to her husband as he submits to Christ. He loves her as Christ loves the church and she loves him and serves him as the church serves our Lord Jesus Christ. All those things set the stage today for us looking at the family as really a picture of gospel reality.

So today we’re going to do that and having set the stage for today, I know when you discuss families there are often three very strong, unique reactions to even the topic. As you sit here this morning, you may have one or more of these reactions. The first is that sometimes talking about families, we’re sitting amongst young adults, singles, college students, empty nesters who no longer have kids in the home, seniors, senior adults. It would be very easy for you to think today this message is not for me and just kind of tune out and wait for the song and the end of the service and move on.

I want to strongly encourage you not to tune out today; just hang on and hang with us. This message and this series is very much for you. It is for me. As a matter of fact, if you are in any of those categories, single adults through senior adults/empty nesters, Titus 2 has a word for you related to the next generation: Older women should care for younger women. Now, I know there are no older women in this room but theoretically, chronologically, if you have a little bit more days in your bank than someone else, then you need to be pouring into younger women and older men need to pour into younger men. So even if you don’t have children in the home, this message is very much for you.

Psalm 78 knows no artificial man–made barriers and silos that keep us from reaching to the next generation whether we have children or not. It is our assignment; it is our responsibility. So if you belong to Jesus, lead the next generation alongside families who have kids of all ages. Those families will welcome you. This church encourages you to do that.

Secondly, there’s another group that sometimes feels marginalized by biblical discussions related to the family. Now there are families in different types of distress at all times. There are children and stepchildren. There are families who long to have children and are waiting for that day through adoption or through biological birth where that will take place. There are parents and there are in-laws, and then there are outlaws. Some of you have those. There are families on the brink of literally falling apart. There are families where there is one believer in the whole family and you have a responsibility to live the gospel out, to love them, to show them, to share, to teach and to serve them, to pass the gospel to them. Those of you that are in that condition, you would love to be a family full of believers. We long for you to have that too and as a church, we want to help make that happen.

Then there are families full of believers but one person in your family has started to run away from God at breakneck speed and it’s breaking your heart. In some ways, you ask questions like, “What could I have done different? I wish I could go back and change something.” And today, I just want to call to all of our members, no matter what our situation is coming here, that we serve a God who is not limited in any way to step into any of our situations and by His grace, lead us to lovingly restore any situations that He’s calling us to deal with today. Any hurt that we have is not behind His providential care, His sovereignty or His ability. He deeply loves you and He wants to bring wholeness to you and to your family. Whether He does that in a timely fashion according to our timetable or not, He wants the world to see what happens in a gospel-driven individual inside a family, or a gospel-driven family through your family. So find comfort in His word and through His spirit no matter what challenges you are facing today.

Then there’s a third reaction. This third reaction, we often see and speak of from those who want to redefine and redesign what family is. There are many extremely intelligent people with a host of divergent opinions about what constitutes a family. Today, we are primarily concerned today, here, now, with what God has to say about the family based on the authority of His Word. A family is initiated when a man and woman marry and it includes all of their children, both biological and adopted, plus other blood relatives as extended family. See, this issue is too important for us to allow the culture to redefine what God has said the family is and we’ll stand with God when the culture departs from what God’s Word says.

Now, those three reactions are present and some of you may have some of those reactions today. Let me encourage you to listen for the heart of God attentively and hear what He has to say. Having set that stage, I want us to look at the biblical framework in which all of our families live. How many of you as families are willing to admit, you’d say here today, “As a family, there are some things that if I had the power to go back and change right now about my family, I would do it right this moment”? You’re with me. I’m one that would change a variety of things but would you say, “If I could go back and change one thing about my family life, I would go back and immediately change it”? Well these truths are truths that have faced every family throughout time. This is the biblical context in which families live. So here’s the first one and this is where your notes begin:

Ephesians 6:1–4 Provides Simple Reminders for Context

Everyone sitting in this room and outside of this room, everyone that ever walks, lives, breathes, and moves. So everyone means children. It means moms. It means dads. It means grandparents, aunts and even those crazy uncles that we have. Everyone means everyone. It’s really plain. Everyone is created in the image of God. Genesis 1:27–28 makes this clear: “God created man in His own image.” Male and female, He created them in His likeness and He gave them responsibility. He told them to multiply, to fill the earth and to subdue it. In Genesis 5:1, He reinforced that reality of man being created in the image of God. In Genesis 9:6, He used the fact that men are created in the image of God as a warning to us not to take the life of other people. We value life because we are created in the image of God. We don’t want to destroy life because everywhere somebody is walking, living, breathing, they’re carrying the image of God and the responsibility and they have infinite value.

James 3:9 in the New Testament even says this: There’s a hypocrisy when we can praise God in here and then curse men when we leave because those men are created in the image of God. So we don’t even talk negatively about people who are created in the image of God, so be careful how you talk about your mom and your dad. Be careful how you talk about your children. Be careful how you talk about everyone created in the image of God but when we talk about families, we also talk about the roles inside families. We talk about who is responsible for leadership and who’s responsible for submission and who’s responsible for obedience. When we talk about those roles, some people think that changes the value of the different parts of the family. It doesn’t change the value at all. Everyone is equally, infinitely valuable. Now this should make you feel better. Just look at someone near you and say, “Hey, God says I’m infinitely valuable.” Go ahead and tell them; it will make you feel good. Just let them know. Now with that established, we need to look at the second biblical framework and that is: Everyone is spiritually wrecked by the Fall. So whoever just looked at you and said, “I’m infinitely valuable”, look back at them now and say, “But dude, you are totally messed up!” That will make you feel good. Everybody in here, this affects every family. You’re infinitely valuable but you are totally messed up. Now if you’re in that category of things that have applied to every human being forever, this is time for corporate confession. Just admit, “Hey, I’m infinitely valuable.” Go ahead. Raise your hand; look around at the testimony of the witnesses. Here we go. Alright, there’s a few people who don’t know you’re infinitely valuable. Go ahead. Raise your hand. Identify with it; claim it. There you go. Now, equally, if the person beside you is totally messed up, raise your hand and point it out. Let them know. You are wrecked by the Fall.

When Adam and Eve rejected God’s best in the garden, they became our ancestor that handed us a legacy and a heritage that if we could choose differently, we would want something different but if we were in their place, we would have done the same thing. We are all wrecked by sin. Spiritually, we have no way of getting to God on our own. Does anybody in here really have to be reminded of that if you live in a family? You actually hang out with your family, right? You know they’re totally messed up, don’t you? They know that you are totally messed up and are willing to tell you regularly, aren’t they? They know that. If you’re willing to say amen to this because of what you’ve learned just in your home—

Romans 3:23: “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” (in my home)—say, “Amen.” Amen, that’s right! They have.

Let me invite you into my home and how this makes this real for just a minute. There are six of us in “Kindig Manor” and every now and then, I want to do something special for the kids so I went out this week and I got ice cream of a variety of kinds. I took two bowls. There were only two of them at home besides me at that time and I made a bowl of ice cream. I put one single scoop of vanilla-chocolate in one bowl. I put a scoop of vanilla in another bowl along with a scoop of chocolate, spicing it up a little bit. And then really made it special by putting in a scoop of moose tracks. Then I smothered that in whipped cream and drizzled some chocolate syrup on that, dropped some cherries on top. I looked at my two precious cherubs and said, “Which bowl do you want?”

Now, what did they say? It’s not rocket science, is it? So here’s what happened. I took the big bowl and made them split the single scoop of vanilla ice cream. Why? Because I’m totally messed up just like you. I’m redeemed. I have a relationship with Jesus but I war against the flesh and in your home, that’s a reality that’s present every day. You see it every day, don’t you? That the people in your home are infinitely valuable. You remember holding them for the first time but they’re also completely messed up. That makes in the home interesting dynamics all of the time but it’s also a stage for God’s great glory to be demonstrated for you. These two realities of being infinitely valuable and being totally messed up have affected every family throughout human history.

So that brings us to the third framework. God longs to get glory through His story of redemption in and through your home. He doesn’t leave us alone in our sin, nor does He leave us to figure all of this out for ourselves. From before the foundation of the world, God had a plan to get great glory for Himself through His gospel. Your sinfulness, and my sinfulness, set the stage for the grand story of redemption of which Christ alone is the hero. You are not the hero of your story. Christ is the Hero of your story. Your sin sets the stage for His great glory to be demonstrated in your home as you come to faith in Christ, as your children come to faith in Christ and as through your family, you reach neighbors, you reach people on ball teams. Your home is a platform for the gospel and your children, the next generation, needs to see that acted on a daily basis in your home. You’re already there. You’re on the mission field because if you have children, children come to your house. You don’t have to look for ministry; ministry finds you. You just have to be aware of what’s going on in the dynamic of your home. Your children are a magnet to a home that honors Christ. This past week, all four of my children were home. It was a beautiful thing. At minimum, all six nights that I was home, there were seven additional people in our home every night.

Here’s the beauty of walking with your children for long periods, recognizing that they are infinitely valuable, totally messed up. And God’s great story of redemption wants to be demonstrated through your home. One day you get great partners in ministry, strong partners in ministry when God, through the gospel, reaches your children and begins to reach out beyond your children to their friends and to their families. When your children grow up seeing that happen in your home as the norm, you just defined normal Christianity for your children and they will embrace that lifestyle and love that lifestyle and it’s a beautiful thing. So the grand story of redemption in and through your home happens because of the gospel that God planned in advance.

We talk about this a lot. The basic plot line of this gospel story is simple. The just and gracious God of the universe looked upon hopelessly, sinful people and sent His Son, Jesus Christ—God in the flesh—to bare His wrath against sin on the cross and to show His power over sin with the resurrection so that all who have faith in Him will be reconciled to God. How long? Forever. Forever. You’ll be reconciled with God forever. God stands ready today to get great glory in this room and to anyone listening to this message by allowing the gospel to be personalized in your life, embracing it through faith, repenting of your sins and turning to the Lordship of Christ. If we want families to begin to be fixed, the simple answer is for family members to come to faith in Christ. That’s the beginning and then His power is demonstrated.

Here’s other good news, the next framework. God sends His church to champion His great mission. It is the mission of the church to make disciples of succeeding generations and all nations. The mission belongs to the church. Your mission as a family is unique. You protect, you provide for, you nurture, you discipline and you raise your children up in the admonition of the Lord. It is the church’s responsibility. The church is made up of only believers. It is the church’s responsibility to advance the gospel.

What’s unique from home to home is that not all homes are filled with all believers. So in some people, when they go home today, the mission field is their home. In other families, there maybe are all believers. The mission field is your neighborhood, or where you go to eat, or the ballpark, or the school, or where ever groups of people happen to gather. God sends His church, we who are believers—not a building, not a structure, not a program—

God sends His church out on His mission.

Here’s the assumption today in this message: The family and the church can be powerful partners in this mission. We have unique responsibilities but we can be powerful partners. It’s at that point that we look at Ephesians 6:1–4 and we recognize this comes in the context of where Bart started last week back at chapter 5, verse 22, which was said in the context of Ephesians 5:18 where it says be filled, be constantly being filled with the Holy Spirit. Living out a healthy family life is impossible aside from the power of the Holy Spirit.

The Marks of the Gospel in Key Relationships—Ephesians 6:1–4

The household code in Greco-Roman culture establishes societal order by establishing order in the home. There would be a list of responsibilities and authority given: the head of the household, the husband, would be given responsibility and it would show how the wives related to that, how the children related to that, any household servant and extended family related to that. We come in the middle of that to Ephesians 6:1–4 where we read together these words: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Ephesians 6:1–4 Teaches Us that the Mark of the Gospel Among Children is Honoring Obedience

The mark of the gospel in the lives of children is honoring obedience. It’s not just obedience; it’s honoring obedience. Well, what’s the difference in obedience and honoring obedience? Here’s the difference: Honoring obedience is obedience that wants to obey, not obedience that has to obey.

Now some of you have kids of different ages. You may not be as far along in this journey as I am but I have a 20–year-old son. I remember the day he looked at me different, as if, “I wonder if I could take you.” Dads all have that with your son. I have a 16 year old now—it’s getting pretty close to that moment. “I wonder if in a wrestling match, could I take you.” The answer is, “No; you will never take me. You might be young and quick and fast and strong, but I have treachery and deceit on my side and I’m not afraid to use it. I will keep going until I win.” That’s the answer—no! But children under the age of 18 are kind of in this place where they know they have to obey. Why? Because you’re bigger and stronger and faster and you have the bank account and they don’t. You have everything at your disposal, so they know I have to obey and God is pressing us past the “have to obey” thing that we settle for in our kids. He wants us to raise kids who love to obey, who want to obey.

In order for them to do that, we have to be the kind of parents that they want to follow. It’s mutual responsibility on both parts but honor in biblical word…it’s connected to the Old Testament word for glory, “kabowd”, the heavy weightiness. So when you honor someone, here’s what happens. They come into a room that you’re in and you so value them and who they are that you almost have a physical reaction that’s subconscious. You don’t even realize it. You kind of bend the knee. So to honor means, in one sense, to bend the knee, and then to drop the jaw. So here’s what it means: (gasp).

So kids, students, children, listen to me today. If you really want to see your parents confused and dazed, here’s what I need you to do. When you go to your house and they’re not in a room that you’re in and they walk into the room, here’s what I want you to do. I want you to honor them this way. I want you to go, (gasp), “Oh, Mom, Dad! I’m so privileged to be in the same room as you. To call you Mom and Dad is the highlight of my life. Mom and Dad, I honor you.”

Now, after you pick them up off of the floor and get them some smelling salts, recognize and realize that the way that you obey demonstrates whether you honor or not. And it’s real clear here in Ephesians: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord.” Why? Here’s a question with an answer. Why? The Bible is sometimes, people say, difficult to understand. It’s really plain right here, three words: “Children obey your parents in the Lord.” Why? “Because this is right.” Parents, say amen! It’s right to obey. It’s right to obey. Build on the blocks that we’ve set in place here. Everybody’s created in the image of God. Everybody is totally messed up. Everybody’s infinitely valuable and totally messed up. Children are being asked in this passage to obey parents who are infinitely valuable but what? Totally messed up. You’re one of them.

Kids, when you pray to God saying, “Do my parents not recognize how messed up they are?” The answer is yes; we recognize how messed up we are. The Bible says obey them because this is right and honor them while you obey them. Bend the knee, drop the jaw, sigh, recognize that they are valuable to you. They love you deeply. Obey them because it’s right.

Parents, let me help you understand this. Know your children well… Know your children well enough to know if they’re just obeying you, or if they’re wanting to obey you. That requires that you shepherd their heart and that you know them well. God could have picked anybody to be your children’s parents but He picked you on purpose. You are the specialist in their life that He’s chosen. He’s the expert; you’re the specialist and He wants you to know them. Press them not only to obey but to honor. Honor is what we’re after.

So “children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise).” So this is now looking back into the Old Testament—Exodus 20, Deuteronomy 5—where we got the Ten Commandments and there were four of them dealing with the holiness of God and how we relate to Him. The first human commandment related to human relationships is honor your father and mother, that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God has given you.

Paul pulls that into the New Testament and universalizes it. There’s a general principle that you obey and honor your parents, you have long life on the earth. So the result of honoring obedience is long life, long life.

Now the reality of honoring obedience? We find in Ephesians 5:18 that we need to be filled with the Spirit of God. Ephesians 6:1 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord.” This is an assumption by Paul that children who are in the Lord have the ability to obey because of the power of Christ that is in them because of their response to the gospel. Children who are believers have the ability to rely on the power of the Spirit and to obey you in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your parents. There’s a promise, long life. It can’t be done in our own strength. That’s what Paul’s reminding us of here.

I want you to listen to this parallel passage in Hebrews 12:7–11 where it says:

“It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons.” (This mirrors our relationship with God.) “For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

Parents, hear me. Your training your children to obey you is part of their Christian discipleship that allows them… Now watch how cool this is. If they can learn to submit to an imperfect parent like me, when they come to discover a perfect, holy God, submission to Him won’t be enough. They’ll push it way past submission to worship.

I love the old English definition of worship. This is what it says: adoring reverence that leads to willing obedience. That’s exactly what we’re talking about. You, mom and dad, children, what you’re learning in your home affects the rest of your life and it affects your spiritual life. When you learn to obey at home, that teaches you to obey a God Who is perfect and push it past obedience, honor and submission all the way to worship. When you see God for who He is, you have to worship. You don’t have any other response. There’s no other adequate response.

Ephesians 6:1–4 Teaches Us that the Mark of the Gospel Among Fathers (Parents) is Disciplined Leadership

If that’s what we say to children, then what do we say to fathers? Verse 4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.” Some translations say, “to wrath.” Other translations say, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

When Paul writes similarly in Colossians 3, he says, “Don’t take their hope away.” This is instruction versus exasperation. We can instruct them in the discipline and nurture of the Lord or we can exasperate them by taking advantage of our authority to either dominate and win or to serve our own selfish needs. When we do that, what happens for us is we exasperate our children. I’ve done that. I wish I could take back every moment as a father where I have seen hope crushed in my children’s eyes because of discipline that was too harsh, because of me serving my own selfish ends.

There’s beauty in the family when God demonstrates forgiveness to us for our mess ups, when we as the authorities in the home are willing to acknowledge when we mess up and look at our children and beg them to forgive us authentically. To say, “Seth, Nate, Drew, Mary Beth, your Dad really, really messed up. I am so sorry.” That doesn’t mean you’ve lost your leadership. That actually gains you the relationship to accelerate your leadership in the lives of your children. They’ll hug you. They’ll hold you. They’ll love on you. They’ll say, “Daddy, it’s okay. It’s okay.” And your heart will break all the more because of the grace that sweet little child that you hold in your arms. Be willing to start the sequence of forgiveness in the lives of your children.

Here are the blanks for you on parents and fathers. Be a father that your children want to follow. Become a person in their life that is a specialist, appointed by God, that recognizes that they’re infinitely valuable but they are totally messed up and live with them graciously. Measure out your discipline and measure out your instruction and your leadership by being a disciplined leader. The marks of the gospel in a father, in parents, is disciplined leadership.

Second under that area: Balance the need for nurture and discipline. Isn’t it amazing that God put women and men together to have kids? Why? Because women naturally nurture, love on, take care of and really meet the needs of their children. Men, primarily, we have the responsibility given by God to lead out in the teaching of Scripture and disciple making in our home and we have the primary responsibility, especially at certain ages, for discipline in the home.

Here’s the good thing for parents. Your children have the responsibility to obey you and according to 1 Timothy 5, to take care of you in your old age. Isn’t that good news, Mom and Dad? You don’t need a retirement plan. That kid is your retirement plan. You’re loving them, you’re taking care of them, you may be changing their diapers. One day, they may be doing all of that for you. They’ll be loving you, taking care of you, making decisions for you and leading you. According to 1 Timothy 5—you can look it up later, take a look—it’s there.

Then finally, become a student of your child’s heart. They’re all individuals, aren’t they? If you have one, you get lulled into this false sense of security that you’ve got it figured out. That first one… I think here’s why, because there’s two of you; there’s one of them. When there are two sets of eyes, you can talk to each other about what both of you are learning and when you talk about what both of you are learning, you’re looking up and you’re teaching each other how to love. You have a two-on-one defense. That’s the way you deal with it and you’re still overmatched, especially when they don’t sleep.

Then you have your second and it goes from two-on-one to man-to-man. There’s definitely not enough of you now. There’s one running off and there’s another one in a crib and there’s crying, there’s feeding schedules, there’s all sorts of stuff going on but you can still wrap your brains around it when it’s one-on-one. It’s two parents, two kids; you can do that. When we had three, it ate our lunch. We went from one-to-one to a zone coverage. We started enlisting neighbors, other folks to come in and help us out. We adopted a couple of uncles. We have a crazy uncle. We have a variety of other folks that come in and just help us with our kids. Then when we had number four, it was the first girl, and boy that was a whole different level of intellectual torture for us to learn how to love and lead her, especially for me as a man. She is so precious and she is so much like my wife and my wife understands her immediately. For me she is so complicated; I have no idea what I’m going to say that’s not going to be the right thing at the right moment.

But when we had four, here’s what happened. We basically had two-on-four; we knew we were overmatched so we started taking the oldest one and saying, “Okay, if you come over to our side now, you come over to our team and we can get to three-and-three and we still have a one-on-one configuration. We can get back to that.” And he did. He did a great job. He became a partner for us and they became partners for us. Watch this; this is so cool. To understand that your home is a place for the glory of God to shine through the gospel, as your kids come to faith in Christ, they become a partner with you in the advancement of the gospel. They come alongside you. You come alongside them. They bring their friends to your home. They point their friends to you and say, “Hey, you need to talk to my Dad. You need to talk to my Mom.” And the gospel immediately starts advancing through them as they become partners in your home. It’s a beautiful thing. Pray for that to happen and take place.

I know when we had our first, we thought we had it made. We thought we had it figured out. All the discipline that worked with him, we expected to work for the second. I went to this conference. I knew I didn’t know anything, so I went to every family conference I could find and there was a Falcon’s linebacker named Greg Brezina. He would do these conferences, teach you how to discipline your children and he would take a dowel rod and he would, at certain ages in certain, gentle approaches, encourage physical discipline, corporal discipline, spanking for those that just want to speak English. Spanking. He encouraged it but he encouraged you do to it in a way that would draw their hearts to your hearts and actually move them toward your heart for God and the gospel and it was beautiful. He would say, “You explain the offense, you let them place their hands on the wall, you take this little, bitty dowel rod that doesn’t hurt at all and you just give a little tap. It stings for just a second and then they will, as you look at them after that, they’ll almost turn and just fall on you and cry while you discipline them. You get to disciple your kids while you discipline.” He’s a genius. I thought, “Man, this makes so much sense! I’m going to do this in my home.” Then you have this other idea that when they start to understand the grace of God and the gospel, one of the things you probably want to do is one day hand them the dowel rod and say, listen, ”Dad is going to take this and I want you… Somebody has to be punished for this disobedience; I want you to spank me.” I remember looking at my oldest and saying that and he said, “No, I can’t do it. I can’t do it, Dad.” I said, “Somebody is going to have to do it. It’s either going to be you or me.” He said, “Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll do it.” But he just barely tapped me and then just cried and fell into me and said, “You didn’t have to do that.” We got to explain grace and it was so sweet and so tender.

But then number two comes along and I think he’s starting to understand the gospel; I’ll do this with him. I looked at him and I said, “Son, listen. Disobedience is taking place. This is the punishment for that disobedience. Dad is willing to take this for you. That’s called grace.” He said, “Alright. Give me that thing.” He just “boom” and just lit me up. I mean it was the dumbest idea I ever had. I thought, “Oh my goodness!” He took his baseball stance and measured it in perfect swing. I didn’t teach him about grace, but I did say, “Wow! Justice hurts.” We did talk about it but our children don’t have to be exasperated in obedience.

Shared Purpose: The Community of Faith and the Home— Deuteronomy 6:1–9

I want us to look at Deuteronomy 6 and I basically want you to real quickly just fill in your answers here because Deuteronomy talks about a nation of families. They could all trace their heritage back to Abraham and then the 12 tribes, and then family clans inside of that. Then there was the nuclear family. When they would do anything together, it was like a youth trip to camp. It was all sorts of caravans, people running all over the place together, crazy uncles loving on people together in the family clan and just running together.

Moses wanted to say this to the nation of Israel because he was about to leave the scene and hand over the reins to Joshua. They had in a previous generation rejected God’s best. Moses was up on the mountain and he got the Ten Commandments. He shared them with the people. He was back with God and they rebelled against him. Exodus 32 tells the story. God was going to wipe out the nation but Moses interceded and said, “Don’t, don’t wipe out the nation. I’ll stay with them. We want to make your name great.” So God took 3,200 by His grace. He could have taken the whole nation; He only took 3,200. And then they wandered in the wilderness until they came to this point in Deuteronomy 6.

The things that we’re going to note about Deuteronomy 6—really quick—is this was the mark of the nation of Israel. This is what distinguished them from all of the people that lived around them. This phrase, the Shema, these verses we’re about to read is what made them different from the nations that served many gods. They would have, amongst the many gods, they would have one that was sort of the chief amongst all the gods, like Baal. He was in charge of the rest of them. This stands in stark contrast to everything around the culture, which is what your home should do. Deuteronomy 6:1 says:

Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the rules that the Lord your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, that you may fear the Lord your God, you and your son and your son’s son [look at the generations right there lining up] by keeping all of His statutes and commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long. Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey. Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one

(Deut. 6:1–4).

A unique statement of Israel—One God. He’s in charge. Verse 5:

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates (Deut. 6:5–9).

God, through Moses, was reminding His people, a generation before, “You forgot me; don’t forget me. I’m the one who delivered you from slavery in Egypt. I’m the one who fed you manna by day. I’m the one who led you by a pillar of cloud in the day and fire at night. Remember the great things that I’ve done for you. Don’t forget me.” Isn’t it amazing that a God who created the entire universe has to remind us not to forget Him. It wasn’t enough for Moses and it wasn’t enough for God for that generation not to forget Him. He wanted them to teach diligently to their children. He wants us to teach diligently to our children.

Deuteronomy 6 is a Reminder to Remember God for the Next Generation— Exodus 20

So Deuteronomy 6 is a reminder to remember God for the next generation. We’re supposed to remember the truth about God that makes us a community. The gospel for us is a modern-day faith family different than Israel because we’re not a family of families. There are all kinds of configurations to our families and as believers, we as the church march together and as your family marches with the mission of the church, we come alongside you to help you make disciples and advance the gospel. We equip you for that purpose and if you’re not a believer, we look at you and we say, “Embrace the gospel today. Don’t wait!”

The first thing I would do at the conclusion of this service if I had not trusted Christ for His gospels, I would go to that access corner and I would say, “I want to be the Dad. I should be the Mom I should be. I want to be the child that I should be. Tell me how to trust Christ. I would run to that access corner and I would take care of that.

So we remember the truth about God that makes us community. We teach them diligently to our children when… When you sit down, when you walk around, when you lie down, when you rise up. Basically, all of the time. When you’re hanging out and hanging loose, when you’re running around doing stuff. From the dawn to the dusk, you teach them all the time. You debrief; you don’t just open Scripture, though you should intentionally do that. You debrief what’s happening in their life and you interpret what’s going on in their life in light of Scripture. Then you let others see it in you.

In the Jewish culture, they had frontlets—little phylacteries—that would have Scripture in front of their head and hang before it and mark them as unique. They had those on their hands. They would mark the doorposts of their home so that when guests would come into their home, they would see what they stood for, and even on the gateposts of their property so that even those that would not come in the house would walk past and they would see what this home stands for. Imagine this: Jesus took three years to invest deeply in 12 Jewish men. Two-thousand years later, the gospel is still moving. What would happen if this faith family and others like it all over the nation, and families became partners, investing for 18 and 22 years in the next generation? Jesus, three years, 12 Jewish men, an assembled congregation, family of faith, the church, 22 years of investment. What could God do with those years of investment?

The Gospel in Your Family in a Messed Up World

• Simple reminders for context:

  • Everyone is created in the image of God. (Genesis 1:27-28)

  • Everyone is spiritually wrecked by the Fall. (Genesis 3)

•   These realities have affected families for all human history.

  • God longs to get glory through His story of redemption in and through your home.

  • God sends His church to champion His mission to …

•   Succeeding generations.

•   All the nations/people groups.

  • The family and the church can be powerful partners in this mission!

The Marks of the Gospel in Key Relationships – Ephesians 6:1-4

• The mark of the gospel among children is honoring obedience.

  • The reason for honoring obedience? This is right.

  • The result of honoring obedience? Long life.

  • The reality of honoring obedience? Ephesians 5:18.

• The mark of the gospel among fathers (parents) is disciplined leadership.

  • Be a father (parent) that your children want to follow.

  • Balance the need for nurture and discipline.

  • Become a student of your children’s hearts.

Shared Purpose: The Community of Faith and the Home – Deuteronomy 6:1-9

• Deuteronomy 6 is a reminder to remember God for the next generation. (Exodus 20) Remember the truth about God that makes us a community.

  •   Hear, O Israel …

    • Hear the Word; do the Word; multiply greatly; love Him   completely.

•  Hear, O Family …

  • Teach them diligently to your children when you …

• Sit down, walk around, lie down and rise up.

  • Let others see them in you.

    The Child, the Home and the Church

    Ephesians 6:1-4, Deuteronomy 6:1-9

    The Gospel in Your Family in a Messed Up World

    • Simple reminders for context:

      • Everyone is created in the image of God. (Genesis 1:27-28)

      • Everyone is spiritually wrecked by the Fall. (Genesis 3)

    •   These realities have affected families for all human history.

      • God longs to get glory through His story of redemption in and through your home.

      • God sends His church to champion His mission to …

    •   Succeeding generations.

    •   All the nations/people groups.

      • The family and the church can be powerful partners in this mission!

    The Marks of the Gospel in Key Relationships – Ephesians 6:1-4

    • The mark of the gospel among children is honoring obedience.

      • The reason for honoring obedience? This is right.

      • The result of honoring obedience? Long life.

      • The reality of honoring obedience? Ephesians 5:18.

    • The mark of the gospel among fathers (parents) is disciplined leadership.

      • Be a father (parent) that your children want to follow.

      • Balance the need for nurture and discipline.

      • Become a student of your children’s hearts.

    Shared Purpose: The Community of Faith and the Home – Deuteronomy 6:1-9

    • Deuteronomy 6 is a reminder to remember God for the next generation. (Exodus 20) Remember the truth about God that makes us a community.

      •   Hear, O Israel …

        • Hear the Word; do the Word; multiply greatly; love Him   completely.

    •  Hear, O Family …

      • Teach them diligently to your children when you …

    • Sit down, walk around, lie down and rise up.

      • Let others see them in you.

    • Frontlets, hands, doorposts and gates.

    How do we do this today?

    • Recognize that we are different.

    • Recognize that we are the same.

    • Access the God who loves you.

    • Access the help around you.

    • Be marked by the gospel.

    • Be the mark of the gospel.

• Frontlets, hands, doorposts and gates.

How do we do this today?

• Recognize that we are different.

• Recognize that we are the same.

• Access the God who loves you.

• Access the help around you.

• Be marked by the gospel.

• Be the mark of the gospel.