What if Following Jesus Hinders My Relationships?
Jesus said, “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household.
Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” – Matthew 10:34–39
What in the world do these words mean?
We rightfully (and biblically) think of Jesus bringing peace to the nations. But as Jesus sends his disciples out on mission, his words are frankly shocking. Jesus is telling them that as they follow him, they will experience division with people who are closest to them.
The “sword” Jesus mentions here is clearly not a reference to military conflict. Instead, it is a reference to the sharp social division that wholehearted allegiance to Jesus brings. To follow Jesus means to love him far more than anyone else in this world. In Luke’s account of Jesus’ words, our love for Jesus should make our love for close family and friends look like hate in comparison (see Luke 14:26).
So what does this mean practically?
CHOOSING JESUS ABOVE ALL
Well, let’s start with what it doesn’t mean. Jesus doesn’t mean for us to be unloving toward anyone, including our family and friends. According to Scripture, supreme love for Jesus means selfless love for your family, your friends, and even your enemies. No follower of Jesus can or should use these words to justify being an unloving spouse, parent, child, or friend.
Instead, Jesus means for us to be so enraptured in love for him that we long to be with him, listen to him, obey Him, please him, enjoy him, and exalt him far above anyone else. And when this is the case, it will inevitably lead to division with those who do not love him in the same way.
Each summer, I spend time dialoguing with teenagers from my church family at their student camp, and without exception, many of them share how following Jesus and sharing the gospel has led to challenges for them in their friendships. At one camp with other churches where I was preaching this last summer, a student came who had been beaten and disowned by his family when he decided to follow Jesus.
But what encourages me most about these students is that they believe Jesus is worth it. And that’s the point of Jesus’ words. True life is found in total love for him, and he is a friend who opens the door to the love of the Father, who, together with the Holy Spirit, is supremely worthy of all our affection.
CHOOSING JESUS IN EVERYDAY LIFE
The application of these verses is not just for teenagers in an increasingly anti-Christian culture. These words from Jesus apply to every follower of Jesus regardless of our age and stage in life. Wholehearted love for Jesus will inevitably lead to challenges in relationships with people who don’t love Jesus. We may lose friendships, we may lose acceptance, we may lose standing, we may lose a job, or in some parts of the world, we may even lose our lives.
But according to God’s Word, love for Jesus is absolutely and unquestionably worth our lives. As a result, even when that love proves costly in this world, let’s spend our lives loving people without Jesus in such a way that they hopefully, prayerfully come to know his sacrificial love for them.
Editor’s Note: This article first appeared in The Commission, Radical’s biweekly newsletter featuring global gospel stories and encouragement from David Platt and others to help you follow Jesus and make Him known. Subscribe today!
