Dear Birthmother of My Daughter,
In this instance, the word dear is not throwaway. I use it very intentionally. For without you, one of the dearest people in my life would not be in my life at all. In fact, without you, my daughter would not have life at all. Thank you for choosing life.
I don’t know you or the circumstances of your pregnancy, but your decision not to abort was a heroic answer to prayer. Childbirth certainly isn’t easy. Neither are the social inconveniencies of an unexpected pregnancy or the judging eyes of others. Yet you endured all this, and in so doing, you grew our family. In choosing life, you’ve made it clear how tragic a choice abortion would have been: the death of our daughter.
Maybe you hadn’t planned on getting pregnant, but your pregnancy was not unplanned. God was acting in accordance with the marvelous plans he had already made. Whatever factors led you to protect the life of the baby you carried, whatever motives were at play, be encouraged. God used you.
Like you, my wife and I also had other plans. We set out to adopt internationally. Convinced of the need for some more “us time” and financially unprepared for a child, we were in no hurry to shorten the three-year process. At the end of it all, we would bring home a little boy from Ethiopia.
We’re now smack in the middle of that three-year journey… and it’s no longer just my wife and me waiting for a son. Our daughter is now also waiting for her brother.
Our expectations were upended. Instead of three years, we had three months. Instead of an Ethiopian, we had an Alabamian. Instead of a toddling boy, we had a crawling girl. It was, all of it, unplanned.
And it was all of grace.
If you’ve failed to see that grace, the life-giving grace of a God who is sovereign over both good and ill, I pray that the Lord will show it to you. I pray that the Lord will continue to use your beautiful life to impact other beautiful lives as you have ours and hers. And if you haven’t already, when you’re faced with the choice of abundant life in Christ or eternal death with the world, I pray you will, again, choose life.
We named our daughter Eden after the garden where life began. Our prayer for her – and for you – is that God would, through His Son, take her from the desert wilderness of this world and bring her into the eternal Eden of His presence. May she one day walk in perfect communion with her heavenly Father, alongside you and me, her brother and sister.
Together, we are part of a beautiful story, one that’s much bigger than a unplanned pregnancy and an unexpected adoption. We’re part of a gospel story in which God makes the broken whole, the bad good, the orphan a son and daughter, the dead alive. The desert Eden.
With love and gratitude,
An Adoptive Father on Earth
An Adopted Son of Heaven
For the LORD comforts Zion;
he comforts all her waste places
and makes her wilderness like Eden,
her desert like the garden of the LORD;
joy and gladness will be found in her,
thanksgiving and the voice of song. (Isaiah 51:3)