The very thought of “What if I never get married?” is often an unpleasant question many do not even want to consider. We were created for communion—with God and others—and the desire for marriage is legitimate with no need to downplay its beauty. But let’s unpack together some clouded gems that may be buried under some of our fears and longings.
You Don’t Have to Choose Between Missions and Marriage
Let us begin by exposing a big lie that many have chosen to believe: “Going overseas reduces my chances for marriage.” Going to the mission field and getting married are not contradictory, just as getting married is not guaranteed if one stays home.
Going to the mission field and getting married are not contradictory.
Is an unrealistic fear keeping us from following Jesus to the mission field? Or are we choosing to believe the lie as an excuse for not going? Genesis 18:14 asks, “Is anything too hard for the Lord?” If we consider going overseas for the sake of the gospel, we better begin by knowing and trusting the God we are striving to make known.
Also, there are many people overseas. You may be surprised by how many “candidates” there are. But be aware: if you are anxious about finding a spouse, you may end up making poor decisions. Before seeking the next season of your life, first seek contentment and peace with the season God has you in. Remember he gave us Jesus, and his will for the day is always good and perfect (Romans 12:2).
What If I Never Get Married?
Let’s face the real elephant in the room: What if I never get married? Answers in the vein of “it is no big deal to be single” or “you are free to serve the Lord” may leave believers feeling as if they should treat marriage as something minor or trivial.
After all, there will be no marriage in heaven, right (Luke 20:27–36)? Well, we are not there yet. It is not that simple.
Marriage is God’s beautiful and purposeful design. It is a mysterious illustration of the way Christ and the church are one (Ephesians 5:32). It is also a gift for this side of eternity, resonating with many of the questions and desires we are wired with.
Marriage is a means of sanctification, an opportunity to show the world unconditional love and commitment. It is, like everything else, about God, not about us.
Wanting to get married is a legitimate aspiration. There is no shame in it, and there’s no need to lessen what our Heavenly Father originally intended. So, how do we reconcile the possibility of not marrying with the desire for it?
Is there another way to exhibit the profound mystery of the love of Christ and his church? I certainly believe there is something better than marriage: God himself.
Strive to Live Well
The best way we can use our lives to reveal God’s glory to the world is not, particularly by getting married, but by living for him, whatever the circumstances. It may be easier to rejoice in the Lord when we have what we think we need. But it speaks louder when we trust him, content with whatever he gives (Philippians 4:11–13).
As Christians, single or married, we must embrace that some of the things we want most on this side of eternity may never happen. Simultaneously, we hold on to God’s perfect wisdom and the promise of our long-expected home. The very scenario we fear the most may lead us to knowing God in a way we never had before.
As we walk through this world in what is to come, let us strive to live for what matters most. We will discover that the beauty of his character, the comfort of his presence, and the joy of seeing others come to Christ outshines everything else. Do not sacrifice obedience to Jesus on the altar of marriage. Finding a spouse is not guaranteed—His kingdom is.
Surrender
The morning before going to the field for the first time, my pastor called me to say goodbye and prayed for me. I have treasured these words, as he said: “If God is with you, it does not matter who is not; and if God is not with you, it does not matter who is.”
So, what if the worst thing you could ever imagine happens—whether it’s singleness or something else? To this, Elisabeth Elliot said: “When the worst thing you could ever imagine, happens, there is something that was not there in your imaginings—and that is the grace of God.” Your desire for marriage is not something to deny; it is something to surrender.
Psalm 145:17 says, “The Lord is righteous in everything He does; He is filled with kindness.”. As we trust God, we can aim to live well under the circumstances he has entrusted to us as we trust him. We can even be expectant of how God will use our specific circumstances to glorify his name.
Whether you get married or stay single, whether you choose to stay home or go overseas, strive to live for what matters most. Long to be called on that day “good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:23). And never forget: Jesus is better.
Daisy Báez-Castillo is serving overseas among unreached people groups. Originally from the Dominican Republic, she was captivated by Christ at the age of 17. She graduated with an M.A. in Missiology from Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.
