In Luke 14:26, Jesus says to the crowds, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.” By making this jarring declaration Jesus is telling them that their commitment to faithfully follow him is even more important than their commitment to the members of their families.
Yet, it’s apparent from the rest of Scripture that our call to follow Christ does not dissolve our call to care for our households. What does it look like to zealously obey the ministry calling that Christ has put on our lives without neglecting those he has called us to nurture, protect, and provide for?
The Call to Care for Aging Parents
When we are young, we depend upon our parents for everything. However, as time goes by, the direction of care slowly reverses. Children become more independent from their parents while, in time, parents will begin to depend upon their children to walk with them through their later years.
In Matthew 15, Jesus confronts the Pharisees for allowing people to avoid this responsibility. They could refuse to care for their parents in their old age by making the pious pronouncement that “What you would have gained from me is given to God” (Matthew 15:5). Jesus condemns the Pharisees for this, calling them “hypocrites.”
Paul teaches something similar, as he told Timothy to charge his flock to, “show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents [for] if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:4–8).”
While we, as Christ’s disciples, will give our highest allegiance to him, he does not give us the option to neglect the nurture of our parents in their old age, even for the sake of his mission. To neglect our elderly parents to serve the Lord would be to ignore the clear teaching of the one we seek to serve.
Many pastors and missionaries have said goodbye to fruitful ministries to labor in fields closer to home so that they might better care for their aging parents. As we seek to obey the call of Christ to our neighbors and the nations, we must also be faithful to his calling to care for those who once cared so well for us.
The Call to Care for Our Spouse
When two people become one, they no longer have the freedom to make unilateral decisions. Even in a marriage where both parties are fully devoted to Christ, both a man and his wife need to consider the needs of the other as they seek to discern and follow Christ’s call.
Peter teaches husbands to take the needs of their wives seriously when he calls them to “live with [their wives] in an understanding way” (1 Peter 3:7). Paul also openly acknowledges in 1 Corinthians 7 that there may be a certain degree of tension between a life of marriage and a life on mission.
Our calling to a particular ministry must never eclipse our calling to the love and nurture of a spouse.
Our calling to a particular ministry must never eclipse our calling to the love and nurture of a spouse. How many pastors have disqualified themselves for ministry after caring for Christ’s bride to the neglect of his own bride? How many missionaries have returned from the field with their marriages in shambles because they pursued the lost at the expense of pursuing their wives?
Or positively, how many pastors have honored their covenant by resigning from their positions to better care for their wives with serious medical conditions? Whether we’re laboring amongst the flock, in a foreign nation, or amongst our neighbors, we must never prioritize our calling to a particular ministry at the expense of our marriage.
The Call to Care for Your Kids
As a pastor, I’m always looking for ways to be “amongst the flock” (1 Peter 5:2). Yet, with most people in my congregation working a typical nine-to-five job, the best time to gather for discipleship, care, or fun overlaps with the hours my young kids are home from school.
If I am going to fulfill my God-given calling to “bring [my kids] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4), it’s going to require me to fine-tune my calendar, keeping nights and weekends sacred for my family, while also knowing when and how to balance time to the church.
The command Jesus gave to love and nurture our kids is not dissolved in light of our calling to “make disciples of all nations” (Matthew 28:19). In fact, Paul makes this explicit when he teaches that the discipleship of the home is a prerequisite for pastoral ministry” (1 Timothy 3:4-5).
It’s hard to manage our households well when we’re at the church four nights a week. Whether you’re a pastor, a missionary, or a mom-on-mission, we can never overlook the needs of our kids in our pursuit to meet the needs of our ministries.
As faithful disciples of Jesus Christ, we must seek to zealously obey every calling that the Lord has put on our lives, whether in the household or the nations. May the Lord give us the wisdom we need to fulfill our varied callings and delight in knowing we are walking in obedience to our king.
Ben Ruhl is the lead pastor of First Baptist Church of Ojai, California, and Executive Director of Small Town Summits. He’s a graduate of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and Moody Bible Institute. Ben is husband to Olivia and father to Davie and Cal.
